One thing that is odd about my current position is the different hats I have to wear. First of all- I am a young professional. Clocking in at 24 years of age I don't have a lot of age seniority over anybody. Secondly- moving to Beijing is not just a job adjustment. I have not been made responsible of just people's professional lives- I am partially responsible for their personal lives as well. And thus- I have to wear different hats.
I get to be tour guide Anna.
I get to be social networking Anna.
I get to be work training Anna.
And sometimes- I do believe people have trouble resolving the three. At the end of the day- they are the same person. But in the different settings they have different responsibilities.
While I am the same person you had drinks with on Saturday, I am also at the same time, NOT the same person who is watching your training. They can't be the same person. It doesn't work that way.
It's hard. Sometimes- I just want to STOP CARING. I want to be social Anna who doesn't care. But at the SAME TIME- I take pride in my job. I have 4 years RnR experience, 2+years in public education. That isn't forever- I understand. We're not talking decades- but it should give some perspective. I've been with RnR for as long as it takes to get a college degree. If there was a B.A. in Romping AND/OR Rolling- I probably would possess it.
Regardless- when professional lines get blurred things get complicated. Some teachers use to be an open book with their students- I on the other hand use to keep my personal life personal. While I do want to share with my students and let them know me, we can't be friends. When it comes down to discipline, friendship gets in the way. I guess I am feeling some of those same pains in a professional sense, after I have been through training with so many new people. I want to be your friend, I do. But- I guess my job has to come first. And with new crews of trainees coming through I feel less and less motivated to be social- and want to just focus on the professional.
I guess my conclusion is. Finding the balance that leaves everybody happy is hard one.
Sounds stressful- and you are in a unique situation in which your job and social life mix.. a lot of people, bosses, managers, supervisors don't hang out with other employees for that reason... but considering your job and where you are I can see how hard it must be... anyways- you'll be home soon and if you come back to China, maybe this time they can can give you an official title- that might help too. love ya- chin up! you are almost there!!
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